Day 209- Directions

PHOTO: Marysville,CA. 2012.

The night was cold and quiet. We went to one of the usual spots only to find it unusually crowded. I snapped photos as we made the drive out there, enjoying the irresponsible time with my camera before I became the designated driver. I carefully watched out the window observing all the different shapes the dwindling light was bringing ever so carefully to life. Before I knew it the sun had dipped way down below the horizon and I was left with nothing but street lights and sudden beams from cars driving to places unknown. I thought about all the different people in the different cars and wondered about their history. I could hear the voices of my fellow passengers in the background of my concentrated thoughts. The mention of my name brought me back into their conversation, "I turn here right? A. asked. " Yes," I replied. All my thoughts of people and travel were ended, and the only thoughts left were those of directions. I snapped one last picture and turned my camera off.

Day 200-

PHOTO: Lincoln,CA. 2012. Digital.

I sat distracted from the lights of the window for minutes just staring out into the clouds. They floated by so gracefully that I couldn't imagine a soul not being distracted by their beauty. Their foreboding nature on a day like today is captivating; you can see the change in everybody. Their dreary, calming color seems to act as a warm blanket. People want to stay inside on days like these, they want to curl up and watch movies only leaving that comfort for warm soup and cold ice cream. I on the other hand would like to go out and explore the moment that is the present. However, I like many others feel snuggled by this big, warm, cozy blanket and just can't tear myself away from it. This is why I sit, distracted by the lights of the window and the graceful clouds that float by its view. My momentary glimpses of the present.

Day 199- Burned Out

PHOTO: Roseville, CA. 2012.

That building stood there since before I could remember. I used to go down to that neighborhood as a child and watch my uncle work in the Union Pacific Rail yard. My mother would walk me up and down the street letting me try to balance on the curb that ran alongside the railroad tracks.The light blue tin building stood at the end of that street. My Mom would always call that our "stopping point" which meant if I got down there before her I needed to turn around and come back. There were times where I would get down to the corner and just stand looking across the street at the light blue tin building. I am not sure exactly what I thought about it, but I remember starring at it and admiring the color. For years that color of blue became my favorite color, and when anybody asked me why I would tell them about the building at the end of the street where my uncle worked. When I saw it was burned my heart broke a little and a dear memory faded ever so slightly. I knew that the only thing keeping those memories so fresh in my mind is that I saw it every now again and was reminded of those feelings. I carefully walked around the fenced off perimeter and took the pictures that I could manage in the hope that I will not ever forget this building... even though the blue has turned white.

Day 193- Too Many Things

The birds were flying back and forth between the farmland and the dump as she made her way down the road to school. She flew passed the birds disturbing their early morning food run. She caught the glimpse of them and wandered what it would be like to not be tied down to something. Not needing to rely on anything except for the wind and the food chain. "Nice thoughts," she said out loud, "Too bad they are only that..thoughts." She hastily returned to her drive concentrating on the road ahead of her and making sure that she reached her destination with time to spare. As she continued down the road she thought about how many paths there are to go down and the fact that there is simply too many things that she would love to do, but stands the chance of running out of of time. "Time!" she yelled into the empty car. Why does it always come down to the amount of time she thought, and really what is time? Does time actually exist or does it just give us a place holder for memories passed? She thought about what the world would be like without the counting of years, months, days, hours, minutes and seconds. Could it work? Or has society become too reliable? These were question she couldn't answer and at that moment didn't want to answer. Instead, she thought, I would rather think about the birds and the fact that they have no knowledge of time, no knowledge of what has come before them, and no knowledge of what is too become after them.

Day 189- Sorry for the Delay

"I didn't mean to keep you waiting," she said to him.

"I'm used to it, don't be sorry," he said.

She thought to herself. She wished she could be there more often, but with school constantly keeping her on the go, having to go to her internship on two of her three days off and cramming homework into the little time she had left, she was wiped. On the days she was there she passed out early and was not much company to the man who had been home for hours waiting for his fiance. She often wondered why he ever would want to marry her and be a permanent part of her world of hectic confusion.

"Where are you?" he asked as he gently leaned forward out of his chair

"In my head, I don't understand why you put up with me," she said carefully not wanting to upset the already fragile ground that they began to walk on.

"That's simple," he said smoothly. "I love you."

"I am sure there are things that I do that get to you, but you deal with them right?"

"I don't know, I can't list any right off the top of my head, but I am sure I have complained about something along the way," she replied with that devilish smirk across her face.

They both laughed.

She fell back into her thoughts wondering about his shortcomings, but not wanting to mention any of them. If it were up to her he would remain clueless about them for the rest of their relationship. She owed him that after the hell she had put him through the past 8 years.

"You're off again," he said quickly.

"I know, I'm sorry," she replied dropping back into the wicker chair.

"Sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind to my own thoughts."

He looked at her sternly, "wouldn't that be just getting lost in thought?," he asked.

"I guess so, but it feels so different," she said, "My thoughts feel like waves crashing over my voice making it nearly impossible for me to speak about anything for sure."

"However," she paused to take a deep breath, " Every now and again the waves will pause for a brief second, giving my voice a chance to surface, and in that moment I am heard."

Day 183- We've Only Just Begun

PHOTO: Sacramento,CA. Digital.

These next couple months do not mark an ending. There is no period to this sentence that I am starting to write, but merely commas lined up marking time passed. I can't be sure what my sentence will turn in to. For all I know it could be just an abrupt end never allowing my words to reach conclusion. Life, it is a complicated thing. You never know what your tomorrows will hold, or if days like yesterday are days forever passed. However, that is the beauty. Not Knowing. Returning to the splendors of being a kid and not caring for anything except for being a kid and being completely in the moment. Here is to being consistently in the moment for the next 3 months.