Day Eighteen- How do you function

when you have been running around for one month straight, and your about to lose it? I could really use that breath I have been talking about. However, it feels like I am miles under water with little to no sight of light. I no longer know what is up and what is down, but who really does?

Day Seventeen- Does there come a time...

when you get a chance to breath. Not the tiny breaths we manage to fit into out day, but the unheard of breath where you actually inhale a decent amount of air, fill up your lungs, and let it slowly roll out. That would be nice. In fact, I shall try it. I helped, but didn't work. All I think about as I take this deep breath is that I am wasting time. Sometimes I feel this way about this blog, and maybe I am wasting time. Ultimately I feel like I am clearing my brain for the day, and letting go of the things I would usually hold on to till the next day. Today seems different. Today my brain doesn't want to divulge its information.I could only imagine it has something to do with how exhausted and absolutely stressed out I am. It is only the third week of school and I am already falling apart. Hopefully this weekend will be the glue I need to hold me together for another couple months. Here is to hoping!

Day Sixteen- Technological Difficulties

They happen. They cause enormous amounts of frustration. They make you feel stupid sometimes (depends on the situation.) Sometimes, they make you want to throw things viciously at walls or at the floor. It wasn't until moments ago till I got to the last level of frustration, but thankfully I fought the urge to throw my very aggravating cell phone at the ground with a kind of fury that I am sure, for those of you long time cell phone users, have experienced at some point or another. I gave up trying to fight my cell phone, and figured I would get to work on all computer necessary assignments before my laptop decided to get together with my cell phone and all the other technological devices I have encountered today and start a "Brittney Boycott."

I am sure that my professors would be empathetic. In fact, I could see them now rolling their eyes in frustration. Except, I have a feeling one professor, whose name shall not be mentioned, might get a kick out of it, and we could embellish in this created boycott of mine. My wandering mind has escaped me once again, and I need to refocus my brain on the literal piles of homework I already have.

Day Fifteen- Everybody needs an anchor

This is a factual statement (to me.) There are times in life where you start to drift into an alternate universe and you find something or someone who brings you back to reality. I have several people in my life that serve this purpose, and to me it was never obvious who those people were until recently. The most obvious being my fiance/best friend. There are times when I am so far gone that I don't realize him subtly bringing me back. There were others that were not so obvious. One in particular, whom I just discovered recently, that has had a surprisingly amazing effect on my life. His name shall not be mentioned because of the ego I am afraid he will acquire and this would ruined his undiminished awsomeness. Time and time again he has brought me back to the real world and I am always trying to find a new way to repay him. I am very thankful that I did not let my fears overcome my dreams and keep me from going to Sac State. If I had not ended up in room 282 I would have missed out on one of the wisest people I know.

It is the anchors in life that help us make it through the day. They help remind us what stands in the balance of our decisions. You can choose to worry about the things that ultimately don't add up to anything, or you can acknowledge what happened, appreciate it for what it was, and move on. I have found this process very difficult and even today I found myself getting really frustrated at little things. I wasted one of the last few days before my Dad leaves for 7 months worrying about pointless things that I had no control over. Thankfully I had an anchor there to bring me back.Like I said there are moments in life when you start to drift out to an alternate universe and you find something or someone that brings you back to reality. Always be thankful to your anchors without them you would float out into the never ending nothingness.

Day Fourteen- Not a camera in sight

Hard to believe with how many I own. Most are film cameras that cost $5 dollars here or $10 dollars there. I went through a phase where if I had money I would buy any camera I could afford. Their history is what intrigued me. I have always been curious about the pictures they have taken and the people who once looked through their lens.

I have the same intrigue with old books. I love finding old inscriptions inside the book. When I was little my Mom started inscribing every book she bought me, and over the years I have lost several. In the future, I hope someone finds them and enjoys the words of wisdom that my mother once bestowed on me. Hopefully, by then, they will still be words of wisdom.

Day Thirteen- Indecisive

This is a word that often applies to me. This week this word definitely described me. I couldn't make my mind up about anything. However, with the one year countdown till my wedding soon approaching I needed to make my mind up on one thing: MY DRESS! With the next 9 months dedicated towards school I needed to get it out of the way. I have gone to try on dresses before, but never actually had the excitement that most brides-to-be have. I chalked it up to the fact that I have never been excited about girly things. I have always been a tomboy and have never really enjoyed getting dressed up, but today I picked my wedding dress and honestly I cannot wait to get all dressed up. As soon as I turned around and saw myself in the mirror I was amazed. I have never in my life felt as beautiful as I do in that dress. I can't wait to see the look on my fiance's face on the day of our wedding.

Day Twelve- I am not a fan of today

My alarm went off at 7AM just like I set it, but just as soon as it started going off it was stopped. However, not by me waking up as I was suppose to, but by me pressing the ever so friendly snooze button. What a terrible invention! I think the person who invented it had it in for punctual people. Maybe that person was late all the time, and one day thought to themselves "If I can't be on time, than no one shall!" That person figured out our weakness.....sleeping in. It Maybe only a couple extra minutes, but I think they might have suspected our over indulgence.

As I am writing this I am realizing how ridiculous this all sounds, and thinking that my imagination has wondered off yet again. I do believe that my imagination is my self defense mechanism. I have always relied on it to take me somewhere else when I am in a bad place. Today as I got frustrated fixing light leaks on a homemade pinhole camera I imagined myself being done. No, actually I thought back to a moment two weeks ago today. I was sitting in a Leatherby's with all of my brothers and sisters, and I could hear all of their voices. After thinking of this moment, I imagined that he voices around me were those of my family and it made me happy.

I never imagined this blog becoming so sappy. I promise everyday will change, but I write with my heart and my family is a HUGE part of my heart.

Day Eleven- Goodbye for now

These are the words I just said to my sister right before I left my Mom's house. Tomorrow morning she will board her plane to Indiana where she will be for two weeks before she returns home to England. Two years without seeing her was too long, and the two weeks she spent here were too short. This day in itself has been an emotional roller coaster. I have no picture for today, but I do have one sad heart. Hope this is enough writing to prove that I am still hanging in there. 9 months till my siblings will be together again, and it will be for my graduation!

Day Ten- Escape!

Not so much a theme for the day, but the one word my brain thought about all day. ESCAPE! I started my day thinking there wasn't one. This was before I ran into the lone fireman running up the parking garage stairs as I was running down. He was taking long, deep breaths as he skipped every other step, and I didn't notice until I got right alongside of him that he had in headphones. I thought this was a little peculiar. I had my camera in my hand so I took a quick from the hip shot and continued making my way down the stairs. As I looked around me I noticed the very few people in sight yawn in unison, and I wished I had been able to get a picture.

I got to school to early, so I killed time chit chatting with a good friend. My mind wandered as we talked and I apologized for not being able to fully concentrate. My mind has since become much worse. A three hour long history class is not a good way for a weary mind to finish it's day. So now that I home and I have written as cohesively as possible with very little energy left....I bid you farewell and good evening.

Day Nine- Peace and Quiet

This phrase always reminds me of a funny movie "What About Bob?" I could never do this particular scene justice, so to view it just follow the link to YouTube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5ZSyAuNMCM

If you have never seen the whole movie I would highly suggest watching it. I used to watch this movie with my family. When all of us kids still lived under one roof. At one point there were 9 of us in one house,2 boys, 4 girls, Mom, Dad and Uncle. We lived in a 4 bedroom, 2 bath. It felt so crowded then, but now when I am in an empty room I feel really lonely.When I was a little kid I would get terribly frustrated when I could not find a quiet place in our house. Now I get frustrated when it is too quiet around me. When I was little I never thought I fit in with my family, and recently I have figured out that I fit just fine. I wish there was a pause button, so I could keep all of them home for a little bit longer. I know all too soon it will be time to say our goodbyes, and I will miss the sound of their voices and seeing their faces. That is life. You say goodbye until you say hello again. You would think after almost 10 years of doing this that it would come easy, but it does not. Savor what you have, for you do not know how long you will have it.

Day Eight- ZZZZZZZ

So Day Six consisted of a Bridal Shower, and running around. Day Seven brought the beautiful marriage of my brother and his gorgeous wife. Now after two weeks of chaos I have a day of nothing which lead to sleeping....much needed sleeping. So that is what I am going to continue to do....sleep.

Day Five- Putting my life on the shelf...for the weekend.

The weekend has arrived, and with it a joyous occasion. My older brother is marrying the love of his life, so I am putting away my computer and trying to help in any way possible. Any and all writing will be kept short and simple. Today's lesson learned: Cake pops are not as simple as they look. Tricky little things.

Day Four- "I just wanted to give it a good jolt"

I feel like that doesn't need an explanation. It doesn't need to become a theme for my day. It can just be, and I can keep it as a snapshot in my brain. A moment where I didn't have someone waiting on me or watching over me, and I could just breathe. Well at least take breaths between eating my chocolate croissant and chit chatting away. My stomach reminded me today that I am in no way a morning person. Halfway through class it started intensely growling and I felt as if I had not eaten in days. Right after class I grabbed two croissants from the roundhouse, one for myself and one for a good friend, and headed off to sit and just relax for a little while. It was then that this "good jolt" conversation took place, and so far it was the best part of this day.Today at my internship I found myself making stupid mistakes, and after each one sitting for a minute to try to get back to that moment in the morning over chocolate croissants. It always amazes me how the simplest of moments become quite memorable. Never underestimate anything...especially light. Weird things happen with light.