Day 148- Keep Your Friends Close

PHOTO: Taken Digitally in Clarksburg, CA.


Today a 17-year-old boy will learn a lesson, and it will be a heart breaking one. Today he has to learn that people are not always as they seem, and that you have to be cautious to who you trust. This is a lesson I wish he did not have to learn so hardly, and it is one that I have always worried about. It is hard to find out you cannot trust the people you want to, and that you always have to be weary about who you let in to your life. I know when he walks in the door tonight and gets told that it was indeed his very good friend who stole a good amount of money from him he will be shattered. Maybe he won't show it, but I know that I will see that all too familiar look in my brother's eyes. The one I hate seeing. I wish I could protect him from this cruel world, but the only way to protect him is to let him go through it and learn how to get past it. Life only gets harder as you get older, but I know for him he has 5 older siblings that would give the world to make it a little easier for him and a little less heart breaking.

Day 143 - Therapy

PHOTO: Taken in Yuba City. Digitally.

Everyone has their own remedy. For some there method is to sit on a long couch and talk to some guy that just shakes his head, and after hours of this nonsense you hand him your wallet and continue your day. I guess my method of therapy is not much different from this. I sit on a 1970's era lounge chair in an office and discuss various things (usually random things) with a man who nods his head, but actually has words to back his head nodding. The upside to all of this is that he doesn't not require your wallet when you leave.

Day 142- The Eve of 23

PHOTO: Taken in Old Roseville. With Canon Rebel XTi.

I desperately try to make this blog not so personal, but it seems to me like the best stories are the ones you insert yourself into (Or at least that is what a very brilliant man once said in a drugged up slur of words.) Either way, it is the night before my 23rd birthday and all I can think about is myself. Selfish yes, but indulge me. I am a strange person, and that is putting it mildly. Anyone who really knows me will agree with that statement and might possibly embellish a smidge.The point of this being I have somehow in my odd 23 years of life managed to keep myself somewhat sane. Now don't get me wrong, I have had plenty of opportunities to go completely insane and "cut loose", but I have always chosen not to. However, if I would have taken the opportunities to do such things I would have been quite literally taking my brain and disposing it into the trash can.

So I am actually taking this selfish opportunity to give myself some form of acknowledgement (given I rarely do.)

Five Things you Might Not Know About Me:

1) I love "I Love Lucy!" I used to sneak out of my bedroom as a small child to watch it.

2) I hate plain socks. You will very rarely see me with a plain pair of socks on.

3) I love the smell of trains.

4) I love to sing...very loudly and sometimes off key. Oh and never in public.

5) I used to want to major in business and own a skateboard company....little known fact.

This is all Random I know, but like I said just indulge me for today.

Day 141- One Dream = A Thousand Interpretations

PHOTO: Taken in Clarksburg, CA. Digitally. Yes. Digitally. With the same digital camera as before.

Last night, at some point, I had a dream. Obvious. However, it was extremely real feeling. In the dream I was with my rather large family in a big chocolate store. It was loud in the shop, much like outings with my family usually are, but it was only us in the building. My family members were all lined up making their orders, and one by one they took the time to ask me what I was going to order. "A brownie," I told them, with a rare certainess, and then watched as they would make their order and go sit down. Finally, when it approached my turn and the cashier asked me what I would like I told her, "Small Hot Chocolate Please."

That was it. I was awoken by A to let me know he was leaving for work. I mumbled sleepy words to him about how "I wanted to order a brownie, but then I ordered hot chocolate." A is unusually used to this kind of behavior as it seems to happen more and more as I get older. He chuckled and told me he loved me. However, while discussing said dream with D today at school I realized something. I knew what I wanted up until the decisive moment and then I changed my mind.

With so many upcoming events in my life I can only imagine what my mind is concocting out of nerves. Or could it be that I have already made my decision? This year I had to drop a minor to a major, a major that was just as important to me as the other two I am still getting, but a decision had to be made. Then again, recently, I had to cut that minor out all together unless I wanted to take on another semester. I cut my ties, and took the lost. It is something that I can always accomplish later, but for right now it isn't what I want.

Day 140- The Clock Has Hit the Final Hour

I frantically try to make time for all the things I didn't get done. Books that didn't get read. Movies that went unseen. Time flies when your having actual fun.

Day 136- New Shoes

PHOTO: Taken with Canon Digital Rebel XTi in Point Reyes, CA in July 2011.

Every once and awhile you need a new pair of shoes. Maybe not different shoes, but a new pair of the same old thing. Right now I find my self in that very situation. I have holes on either side of my shoes which the laces sneak out of. I have Cyanotype spilled along the toe of one shoe, and on the other a black scuff that has been there since the very first day I slipped them on...about 9 months ago. It is always amazing to me how fast I go through shoes, but honestly it is the things I do in them. I do a lot in my black and white Converse. Now as I need a new pair I think about what journeys and adventures they will see in the next 9 months. I hope they will be just as amazing as the last pairs.

Day 135- Pushing too Hard

PHOTO: This picture was taken with a digital pinhole in Lincoln, CA.

I punched a pool table last night, and it wasn't intentional. However, it did hurt. My knuckles are slightly bruised. It made me realize something....how do all these men go around getting in fights? I would much rather sit down and chat about our differences over an alcoholic beverage, and then laugh about how we wanted to kill each other. I feel as if this would be much more enjoyable than hitting someone and making not only them hurt but myself as well.

Day 133- The Clock Begins to Tick

I could hear it start yesterday morning as soon as I opened my eyes. One week! Between now and next Monday I need to figure out a lot. In less than 6 months I am an independent, not that I haven't been before, but I will be more independent than I have ever had to be in my whole entire life. I am ready for this, but the build up to it is what makes me nervous. I feel like people are depending on me to make something of myself, and to tell you the truth I am depending on me to make something of myself. However, in the last year I have learned a valuable lesson...Don't worry about everything. Months ago I posted a video from a movie called "What About Bob?" Well for those of you who have seen it you understand the term "Baby Steps." "Baby steps to get on to the bus." I always think about this now...."baby steps." Baby steps to go to college, baby steps to graduate, baby steps to get married, etc. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Don't worry about tomorrow or yesterday, concentrate on today. Really if you think about it what you do today will change how your tomorrow would have turned out. So what are you doing today?

Day 129- Don't Buy The Circus

Supposedly, it is a book. A book I can't find anywhere, and haven't encountered anybody else who has heard of it. However, I can tell you it is a about a man. What this man does is he buys something that he soon figures out he shouldn't have bought. I am sure if I went into any more detail I would A) be murdering the book and B) be ruining the suspense for those of you who ever find this mystery book. Either way I thought of this particular book this morning whilst eating my breakfast. That poor man, the one in the book, thought what he was purchasing was a grand idea and he could always enjoy it for himself. In the long run, however, he figures out that it is a lot of work to make everything work out the way you want it. Here is the thing though, everybody should know that if they want something they are going to have to work hard to get it. In our society today there are people just being handed things, and never being asked to work for what they receive. I know that this isn't true for everybody, but I can think of several examples right off the top of my head. I also know that this current problem is a side effect of "instant-gratification," the new trend that is sweeping the globe (Insert Sarcasm here.) I know I shouldn't be sarcastic because it is deadly serious, but what happened to patience? It's a virtue, or has everybody forgot that too? I am sure patience is just as much of a mystery as my book, maybe we will find them in the same place together holding on to each other in companionship just waiting for the light of day to reveal their hiding place. Until then I guess I will have to wait with my digital means of instant gratification.

Day 128- What To Do...

Boredom....I succumb to it quite quickly.

Even as I tried to type this, I got bored and started to clean my keyboard. Which actually doesn't work out to well when you have something that allows you to type open.

I think I just showed just how brilliant I can be.

Work done for today.

Great Job!

Day 127- Stuck

In this god forsaken town! With no car keys and the infamous "spare" no where to be found I have no means of getting out of here. I guess if I wanted to wander in to the next town it wouldn't be so bad, but the next town is not really an ideal escape. So, I will enjoy what little there is to enjoy by being secluded in a somewhat awkward town. A town divided by the old and the new. Some of the buildings here seem like they have been lost in time, and can't quite make up what decade they belong in. Interesting enough, I have been told the same thing. "That I am an old soul," who got mixed up in time somewhere along the way. Who knows if this is true......Probably just something someone said along the way to make up for my eccentricities. Their attempts at justifying my craziness obviously did no good. I know just how crazy I am, and I know that it has nothing to do with the decade I was born in, but a lot to do with being stuck in this god forsaken town!

Day 126- Perceptions

Your perceptions of the people and things around you will always be slightly skewed. There are several different reasons for this and none that I can actually explain. However, I can sum it up to the different experiences, up-bringing and outlooks one has as they go through life. Having different perceptions is not necessarily a bad thing, could you imagine a world where everyone had the same perception. What would books look like? Identical perceptions would create such a boring life experience, and life is just too much of an experience to waste thinking like everybody else. The only things that should be scary is having the wrong perception about somebody, and knowing that your perception of yourself will never be what everybody else sees. The first "scary" thing has a remedy, and that is to question and constantly question. There is no end to the things you can learn and the different perceptions you can gain. As for the perception of self, well that's a beast we have to burden. "Everyone is their own worst critic," as the saying goes. As for others, maybe their parents were robots or aliens, or potentially got dropped on their head as young children (Uncalled for, I know....sorry.) Either way, the self perception is always going to be a little harsh, but take it in stride. Notice compliments in the subtle ways they come, like the slight smile from across the room, and always be accepting of others perceptions of you because they will always hold some insight.