Take Two

We returned to Marysville on a Sunday. It was three weeks after the wedding, and a little over two  before Thanksgiving. It was somewhere around ten in the morning when we reached town. We noticed a parade of some sort taking place just on the other side of the highway, and we decided to avoid it. We turned off the highway onto 2nd Street.We weren't much for socializing, and preferred the quiet streets so we could stroll, take pictures, and talk. However, all small talk was gone by the time of our arrival. During the car ride we had talked about what was new and how the wedding was, he asked how it felt to be married. I told him the only thing that felt really different was my name.We discussed how I felt about the matter and moved on to what he had been up to. He described to me in great detail a weekend that  had recently occurred. The weekend we discussed had shook him up fiercely, but at the end of the following week he had reached a new way of thinking and being. For a second, I was envious. We pulled off of 2nd Street onto F Street and parked next to some industrial buildings. This is where our day really begun. For the next three hours we were so into what we were doing and the conversation we were having that nothing else seemed to matter. The world fell to the wayside. When we made our way back to the car he turned to me and said, "For the past few hours, I have been out of my mind." I smiled and sighed. I knew just what he meant.

The Long Awaited Return

It has been so long that I don't know where I should begin. It has been just about seven months since I  have graduated Sacramento State University and I still have no idea what I am doing ( in the big picture.) In the here and now, I feel as if I am making more conscious decisions, ones that in my heart I think are going to lead me to the big picture, but really who knows? The fact that no one knows, however, leaves everything open and keeps life limitless and unpredictable. Which is exactly what life is. Limitless and Unpredictable. Everyone should have aspirations, but why stop at those, reach for more. Grab all you can until there is nothing left to grab at. Everyday should be a challenge, a journey, an experience, and worth something, at the end of it. We trick ourselves into believing that time goes on forever, but what if it doesn't? What if today is it? What did you do? Was it worth it? Or would you like another chance?

Most people would probably like another chance. I am one of them, but this day isn't over yet, so I am here grasping at one challenge. To write this post...because for awhile now I have not known where to begin.

I'm back.

Day 259- Two days late but a tiny bit richer....

 Photo: Lincoln,CA. Digital. Canon 60D. 2012.

I had a big plan for how to write out my last blog as a college graduate, but it didn't really go the way I expected. However, it was a reminder to myself that not all plans go as they should in fact the universe seems to know when you are planning something and throws a curve ball at you just to keep you on your toes. Saturday morning I woke up in an odd state. I didn't know what to make of the day, and as soon as I opened my bedroom door the world became chaotic, I could hear people running around everywhere trying to get things ready for the day and for our party on Sunday.  I was rushed all over the place up until the very last moment and as I made my way up Highway 99 I had a moment where nothing was holding me back and nothing stood in my way of what I wanted. That energy surged through my body as I ran to where I was suppose to meet everybody. I threw on my gown as I ran and got excited watching it blow it the wind, this is it I thought, the moment I have worked for. I grew giddy walking up to meet my friends and when I finally stood in line to walk the butterfly's started flying around bumping into each other inside my stomach. The ceremony was done and over with before I could even interpret the situation and navigate through the emotions. The whole pavilion an echo of screams, laughter, and sounds of excitement. It will be something that I will remember forever, standing with the people I have grown with for the past 3 years, and watching their faces as they go into this unforgettable time. That is when it hit me..........this isn't over yet. In fact, it has only just begun. I still have many more trials and tribulations ahead of me and I have no intention of keeping them to myself. SO if you are interested...stay with me through my journeys and I promise I will try to keep it as exciting as possible. Until the next time................THE FINALLY OFFICIAL CSUS GRAD!!!!!

Day 255- That's all folks...

Photo: Sacramento, CA. Digital. Canon XTi. 2011.

Yesterday was a bad day, and when I left work I assumed it was only going to get worse. However, last night much to my surprise my family one by one returned home...including my "English" sister who I thought wouldn't make it. It's funny because right around this time of year is when I receive a plant from my mother in-law. She takes clippings from one of her big plants and makes little babies out of it who end  up blossoming and growing into their own. I never made the connection between what she does with her plants and what my Mom did with her children until last night. My mom clipped all 6 of us kids from one plant, we all look different and we all grew up to different potentials but at the end of the day we all came from the same place. I am so grateful that my  fellow clippings could be here for me on such a special occasion, but mostly I am grateful to the one constant who brought us all here...our mother. By the way two more days till I graduate.

Day 245- Dissected.

PHOTO: Lincoln,CA. Digital Canon XTi. 2012.

I wish I could go back in time and tell 14 year-old me that there is no short cut to a dream. The wild-eyed spontaneous girl before she decided to take on the world. I wish I could have told her to stop and enjoy the moment because all too soon when you look up from your work you'll realize it's all over. Everything you ever dreamed of being true will stand right in front of your feet, and I am telling you...your gonna run like crazy. I can feel the ground start to break away underneath me, Everything I once knew to be stable and consistent will be dead come Thursday. Three more days till everything I once knew dissipates into everything I am going to find out. Hello World....please be nice.

Day 236- It's been 12 days

PHOTO: Folsom,CA. Canon 60D. 2012.

Almost 2 weeks of going non-stop. When the end comes boy does it come quick. In another 12 days I will have completed all my coursework for two Bachelor's Degrees at Sac State. I would like to be able to say that is an accomplishment, but at this moment all I can say is that I am done. I have already checked out of my own brain and am ready for my life to take a step forward. However, I would be a liar if I didn't say that deep down inside , I am really scared. My whole life I have had a plan that had detailed instructions on how to succeed, but now that reality is knocking on my door I realize that the plan I had so delicately designed did not incorporate an economy that doesn't support my professions. I feel like I am walking up a staircase where only the unknown awaits at the top, everyday you take a step you feel a little bit more uncomfortable but that much more intrigued in what awaits in the darkness.

Day 224- My lying eyes

PHOTO: Lincoln, CA. Canon 60D. 2012.

When I try to deceive my eyes will not let me. Instead they scream of my deceit and try to rat out my soul. My eyes are my favorite thing about me. They are a constant and consistent reminder of what reality is. When my brain tries to not believe my eyes will show them the truth, and lead it back to its right train of thought because reality isn't created. It just is. Your brain will try to trick you into a self-conscious state of mind, but really reality isn't individual it is a shared experience. Everyone is involved. The picture is bigger than you and it is bigger than me and in the end it will not matter how you served yourself it will have mattered how you served others.

Day 221- The Spiders

PHOTO: No photo for this. I ran too quickly and was too freaked out to go back. Sorry.

We walked carefully through this woodsy-area that was carefully tucked backed in between suburban areas. We walked down the path looking for the entry way to where we once had sat a month before. We passed by it unaware of its presence underneath all the newly grown plant life, so we backtracked and looked again. Finally we discovered the hidden path in its new life and made our way to the random sandy beach at its end. However, we would soon find that part of our old path had been completely taken over by the blackberries. We stopped and looked around for an alternate route. I thought I had found a new path by crossing over the remains of a fallen tree. I climbed up onto its remains and when I did I saw the whole tree start to scramble around. I looked down at the tree and my shoes and noticed it was not the tree that was moving, but hundreds of baby spiders that were running for their life. I in turn ran for my own.

Day 212- Insight

PHOTO: Granite Bay, CA. Digital Canon 60D. 2012.


I took on too much, she thought, I will never make it out alive. She sat in the silence of her kitchen and let her thoughts sink in. "There are so many people out in the world that take on so much more and have zero problems getting everything done, why am I having such a hard time focusing?" This train of thought kept with her for the rest of the day until she watched the sunset through the reflection of a panel of windows. Today, she thought, is just one tiny part of the things I am going to accomplish, so if I can take down today I will eventually take down any challenge that comes my way.

Day 209- Directions

PHOTO: Marysville,CA. 2012.

The night was cold and quiet. We went to one of the usual spots only to find it unusually crowded. I snapped photos as we made the drive out there, enjoying the irresponsible time with my camera before I became the designated driver. I carefully watched out the window observing all the different shapes the dwindling light was bringing ever so carefully to life. Before I knew it the sun had dipped way down below the horizon and I was left with nothing but street lights and sudden beams from cars driving to places unknown. I thought about all the different people in the different cars and wondered about their history. I could hear the voices of my fellow passengers in the background of my concentrated thoughts. The mention of my name brought me back into their conversation, "I turn here right? A. asked. " Yes," I replied. All my thoughts of people and travel were ended, and the only thoughts left were those of directions. I snapped one last picture and turned my camera off.

Day 200-

PHOTO: Lincoln,CA. 2012. Digital.

I sat distracted from the lights of the window for minutes just staring out into the clouds. They floated by so gracefully that I couldn't imagine a soul not being distracted by their beauty. Their foreboding nature on a day like today is captivating; you can see the change in everybody. Their dreary, calming color seems to act as a warm blanket. People want to stay inside on days like these, they want to curl up and watch movies only leaving that comfort for warm soup and cold ice cream. I on the other hand would like to go out and explore the moment that is the present. However, I like many others feel snuggled by this big, warm, cozy blanket and just can't tear myself away from it. This is why I sit, distracted by the lights of the window and the graceful clouds that float by its view. My momentary glimpses of the present.

Day 199- Burned Out

PHOTO: Roseville, CA. 2012.

That building stood there since before I could remember. I used to go down to that neighborhood as a child and watch my uncle work in the Union Pacific Rail yard. My mother would walk me up and down the street letting me try to balance on the curb that ran alongside the railroad tracks.The light blue tin building stood at the end of that street. My Mom would always call that our "stopping point" which meant if I got down there before her I needed to turn around and come back. There were times where I would get down to the corner and just stand looking across the street at the light blue tin building. I am not sure exactly what I thought about it, but I remember starring at it and admiring the color. For years that color of blue became my favorite color, and when anybody asked me why I would tell them about the building at the end of the street where my uncle worked. When I saw it was burned my heart broke a little and a dear memory faded ever so slightly. I knew that the only thing keeping those memories so fresh in my mind is that I saw it every now again and was reminded of those feelings. I carefully walked around the fenced off perimeter and took the pictures that I could manage in the hope that I will not ever forget this building... even though the blue has turned white.

Day 193- Too Many Things

The birds were flying back and forth between the farmland and the dump as she made her way down the road to school. She flew passed the birds disturbing their early morning food run. She caught the glimpse of them and wandered what it would be like to not be tied down to something. Not needing to rely on anything except for the wind and the food chain. "Nice thoughts," she said out loud, "Too bad they are only that..thoughts." She hastily returned to her drive concentrating on the road ahead of her and making sure that she reached her destination with time to spare. As she continued down the road she thought about how many paths there are to go down and the fact that there is simply too many things that she would love to do, but stands the chance of running out of of time. "Time!" she yelled into the empty car. Why does it always come down to the amount of time she thought, and really what is time? Does time actually exist or does it just give us a place holder for memories passed? She thought about what the world would be like without the counting of years, months, days, hours, minutes and seconds. Could it work? Or has society become too reliable? These were question she couldn't answer and at that moment didn't want to answer. Instead, she thought, I would rather think about the birds and the fact that they have no knowledge of time, no knowledge of what has come before them, and no knowledge of what is too become after them.

Day 189- Sorry for the Delay

"I didn't mean to keep you waiting," she said to him.

"I'm used to it, don't be sorry," he said.

She thought to herself. She wished she could be there more often, but with school constantly keeping her on the go, having to go to her internship on two of her three days off and cramming homework into the little time she had left, she was wiped. On the days she was there she passed out early and was not much company to the man who had been home for hours waiting for his fiance. She often wondered why he ever would want to marry her and be a permanent part of her world of hectic confusion.

"Where are you?" he asked as he gently leaned forward out of his chair

"In my head, I don't understand why you put up with me," she said carefully not wanting to upset the already fragile ground that they began to walk on.

"That's simple," he said smoothly. "I love you."

"I am sure there are things that I do that get to you, but you deal with them right?"

"I don't know, I can't list any right off the top of my head, but I am sure I have complained about something along the way," she replied with that devilish smirk across her face.

They both laughed.

She fell back into her thoughts wondering about his shortcomings, but not wanting to mention any of them. If it were up to her he would remain clueless about them for the rest of their relationship. She owed him that after the hell she had put him through the past 8 years.

"You're off again," he said quickly.

"I know, I'm sorry," she replied dropping back into the wicker chair.

"Sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind to my own thoughts."

He looked at her sternly, "wouldn't that be just getting lost in thought?," he asked.

"I guess so, but it feels so different," she said, "My thoughts feel like waves crashing over my voice making it nearly impossible for me to speak about anything for sure."

"However," she paused to take a deep breath, " Every now and again the waves will pause for a brief second, giving my voice a chance to surface, and in that moment I am heard."

Day 183- We've Only Just Begun

PHOTO: Sacramento,CA. Digital.

These next couple months do not mark an ending. There is no period to this sentence that I am starting to write, but merely commas lined up marking time passed. I can't be sure what my sentence will turn in to. For all I know it could be just an abrupt end never allowing my words to reach conclusion. Life, it is a complicated thing. You never know what your tomorrows will hold, or if days like yesterday are days forever passed. However, that is the beauty. Not Knowing. Returning to the splendors of being a kid and not caring for anything except for being a kid and being completely in the moment. Here is to being consistently in the moment for the next 3 months.

Day 173 - The Window

PHOTO: Santa Rosa, CA. Digital.

I walked by at first quickly only glancing to see inside the abandoned store front. It was only the mere glimmer of the other window across the room that sparked my eye, and then the scene played out in front of me. The reflection became so intricate that it confused my eye and inspired my thoughts. The boys stood a distance away not aware of what I was taking a picture of, and not wanting to be any part of it. I stood at an angle to the window, so as not to include myself either and fooled around with exposures until I got the right shot. It is the only picture that was successful that day in Santa Rosa. We left immediately afterwards to head back to our home 3 hours away.

Day 170- Days like these are Priceless

PHOTO: Old Roseville, CA. Digital.


They are the days you wish you could have back when the time turns to nothing and your looking down the steep ass end of that hill you have been climbing, or in fact chasing. I have been racing up my hill, and I know I quite possibly am looking at another 70 years of doing this, but in case I am not I would like to stop. I would like to stop running towards my next life goal and just let it come to me. In an ideal world this would be possible. To stop is impossible in today's society. If you stop you stand the chance of being trampled by a heap of trendsetting hipsters who are off to design the new technological fad. No one would live through that nightmare, and if you did you would find yourself lost in a world where you know nothing and can't for the life of you understand what the people are saying. To avoid this from happening you only really need and can one thing...and that is to Slow down. Find your happy place and go there often.

166- Downtown

PHOTO: Sacramento,CA. Digital.

That particular day downtown was unlike any other she had experienced. She drove down the streets with a certain knowledge that today was going to be different, but with a feeling in her stomach like she was going to be sick. As she drove into the parking lot the feeling only worsened. She found the first parking spot, and immediately pulled out her phone. She pressed call on a familiar number, and waited anxiously for him to pick up. She knew he would be there, and she knew that he would know just how to deal with her anxious nerves. "Are you busy?" She urgently asked as he answered the phone. "Can you read something to me?" She was so nervous she wouldn't even let him finish his sentences. "Can you read me what I wrote the other day?" He hesitated and answered yes politely. "Hold on I have to find it." She patiently waited for his voice to speak her words aloud. Finally he started to read slowly bringing validity to her as each word was spoken. The nausea disappeared and she remembered that day on the parking garage. Her brain cleared, as if a giant wave had just swept over her mind and washed away the dirt and grime that built up on the shores. "Thank you," she said. He explained his understanding and concluded the conversation with calming words. "Know this," he said, "once this is finished you will be a completely different person."

Day 164- The Green Chair.

PHOTO: Clarksburg, CA. Digital.

The green chair was so exciting. It was my favorite kind of green, and it looked like it had been very well used. Someone loved that chair. In fact, I loved that chair. I wanted to take it home with me, and display it in all of its glory. It would have looked so nice. I can picture exactly how it would have looked sitting next to a full bookshelf, and a nice black desk with papers nicely organized on top. However, that chair belonged to someone else, and it looked so comfortable in its surroundings that I couldn't bear to move it....not even to get a better picture. So I snapped my mediocre picture and stood for a moment inspecting closely at all the subtleties I had previously missed. I noticed the intricate details in the rusted metal, and how the color brought out the speckles of green paint that remained intact. I then noticed the details in the fabric and leather. I hoped that I captured all these details in my picture, but knew if I didn't it would just give me an excuse to go down and sit with this particular chair again.

Day 161- Group Projects

PHOTO: Clarksburg, CA. Digital Canon Rebel XTi.

Should not exist...ever. They are a horrible idea. They are designed to teach team work and leadership, but really the only thing you learn is who cares and who doesn't care. Just like everything else in life the people who actually care do all the work, and the people who don't care take credit for it. Not this time. I shall not sit idle and keep my mouth shut like I always do. No, Not this time. I work too hard to not take credit for my own doings. Even if they were wrong I was responsible and it is I who shall take the blame. I will wash my hands clean in my own dirty sink and step forth as the one who cared too much.

Day 158- The Subtle Sounds in Silence

It is hard to find actual silence. In fact, it is my believe that there is always sound, and this idea of silence is just that: an idea. Even when you think your in silence there are noises that aren't being accounted for, such as the sound of your breath and the subtle beat of your heart.

Day 155 - The Rain

It has such a beautiful sound. It's own symphony orchestrated by drops of water as they fall from the sky and hit the earth and the things that cover it's surface. This is water at one of it's better sides, but I know that tonight when I go to sleep I will be awoken by it's evils.

Around 1A.M. I will hear it drip for the first time from the heater that occupies the space above my ceiling, and from then on it will be timely and consistent for the next 6 hours. It is amazing how multiple drops of water from the sky are so beautiful, but the simple sound of one drop dripping away annoys you till no end.

Day 154- To Finally See Yourself

A man and a women stand at the top of a parking garage talking of marijuana. Suddenly the women comes to a conclusion. The conclusion that she is no longer afraid. She stares down at the street below and makes idle conversation, but in the back of her head the only thing she thinks of is fearlessness. This is a word she never thought she would apply to herself, but today has changed her. Today she broke free of the everyday and made a run for the hills screaming the whole way in elation. Today she finally saw herself the way she always pictured. Independent, Courageous and ever so slightly smart, and all it took was a simple glance down at the street below. A simple glance down that she might not have taken on any other day but today.

Day 150- A Light Tap

PHOTO: Taken in Marysville, CA with a Canon Rebel XTi with a Lens Baby Composer.

reminded me of where I was. I often forget as I am writing my placement in the world, and am brought back by a sudden small noise only to be reminded that I am at school. However, my place at school is one of great safety, or at least in my opinion. In fact sometimes it feels so safe here that I can't bear to break away and make my dreary car ride home. Once I cut myself away from my safety net I glide into a careless state of insight. Insight that often becomes so deep that I try to tune my own thoughts out by turning my music up as loud as I can. Music doesn't halt the thoughts, but make it so I can ignore them. The ignoring can only go so far though considering the next morning I am back in that hour long period of over indulged selfishness.

Day 148- Keep Your Friends Close

PHOTO: Taken Digitally in Clarksburg, CA.


Today a 17-year-old boy will learn a lesson, and it will be a heart breaking one. Today he has to learn that people are not always as they seem, and that you have to be cautious to who you trust. This is a lesson I wish he did not have to learn so hardly, and it is one that I have always worried about. It is hard to find out you cannot trust the people you want to, and that you always have to be weary about who you let in to your life. I know when he walks in the door tonight and gets told that it was indeed his very good friend who stole a good amount of money from him he will be shattered. Maybe he won't show it, but I know that I will see that all too familiar look in my brother's eyes. The one I hate seeing. I wish I could protect him from this cruel world, but the only way to protect him is to let him go through it and learn how to get past it. Life only gets harder as you get older, but I know for him he has 5 older siblings that would give the world to make it a little easier for him and a little less heart breaking.

Day 143 - Therapy

PHOTO: Taken in Yuba City. Digitally.

Everyone has their own remedy. For some there method is to sit on a long couch and talk to some guy that just shakes his head, and after hours of this nonsense you hand him your wallet and continue your day. I guess my method of therapy is not much different from this. I sit on a 1970's era lounge chair in an office and discuss various things (usually random things) with a man who nods his head, but actually has words to back his head nodding. The upside to all of this is that he doesn't not require your wallet when you leave.

Day 142- The Eve of 23

PHOTO: Taken in Old Roseville. With Canon Rebel XTi.

I desperately try to make this blog not so personal, but it seems to me like the best stories are the ones you insert yourself into (Or at least that is what a very brilliant man once said in a drugged up slur of words.) Either way, it is the night before my 23rd birthday and all I can think about is myself. Selfish yes, but indulge me. I am a strange person, and that is putting it mildly. Anyone who really knows me will agree with that statement and might possibly embellish a smidge.The point of this being I have somehow in my odd 23 years of life managed to keep myself somewhat sane. Now don't get me wrong, I have had plenty of opportunities to go completely insane and "cut loose", but I have always chosen not to. However, if I would have taken the opportunities to do such things I would have been quite literally taking my brain and disposing it into the trash can.

So I am actually taking this selfish opportunity to give myself some form of acknowledgement (given I rarely do.)

Five Things you Might Not Know About Me:

1) I love "I Love Lucy!" I used to sneak out of my bedroom as a small child to watch it.

2) I hate plain socks. You will very rarely see me with a plain pair of socks on.

3) I love the smell of trains.

4) I love to sing...very loudly and sometimes off key. Oh and never in public.

5) I used to want to major in business and own a skateboard company....little known fact.

This is all Random I know, but like I said just indulge me for today.

Day 141- One Dream = A Thousand Interpretations

PHOTO: Taken in Clarksburg, CA. Digitally. Yes. Digitally. With the same digital camera as before.

Last night, at some point, I had a dream. Obvious. However, it was extremely real feeling. In the dream I was with my rather large family in a big chocolate store. It was loud in the shop, much like outings with my family usually are, but it was only us in the building. My family members were all lined up making their orders, and one by one they took the time to ask me what I was going to order. "A brownie," I told them, with a rare certainess, and then watched as they would make their order and go sit down. Finally, when it approached my turn and the cashier asked me what I would like I told her, "Small Hot Chocolate Please."

That was it. I was awoken by A to let me know he was leaving for work. I mumbled sleepy words to him about how "I wanted to order a brownie, but then I ordered hot chocolate." A is unusually used to this kind of behavior as it seems to happen more and more as I get older. He chuckled and told me he loved me. However, while discussing said dream with D today at school I realized something. I knew what I wanted up until the decisive moment and then I changed my mind.

With so many upcoming events in my life I can only imagine what my mind is concocting out of nerves. Or could it be that I have already made my decision? This year I had to drop a minor to a major, a major that was just as important to me as the other two I am still getting, but a decision had to be made. Then again, recently, I had to cut that minor out all together unless I wanted to take on another semester. I cut my ties, and took the lost. It is something that I can always accomplish later, but for right now it isn't what I want.

Day 140- The Clock Has Hit the Final Hour

I frantically try to make time for all the things I didn't get done. Books that didn't get read. Movies that went unseen. Time flies when your having actual fun.

Day 136- New Shoes

PHOTO: Taken with Canon Digital Rebel XTi in Point Reyes, CA in July 2011.

Every once and awhile you need a new pair of shoes. Maybe not different shoes, but a new pair of the same old thing. Right now I find my self in that very situation. I have holes on either side of my shoes which the laces sneak out of. I have Cyanotype spilled along the toe of one shoe, and on the other a black scuff that has been there since the very first day I slipped them on...about 9 months ago. It is always amazing to me how fast I go through shoes, but honestly it is the things I do in them. I do a lot in my black and white Converse. Now as I need a new pair I think about what journeys and adventures they will see in the next 9 months. I hope they will be just as amazing as the last pairs.

Day 135- Pushing too Hard

PHOTO: This picture was taken with a digital pinhole in Lincoln, CA.

I punched a pool table last night, and it wasn't intentional. However, it did hurt. My knuckles are slightly bruised. It made me realize something....how do all these men go around getting in fights? I would much rather sit down and chat about our differences over an alcoholic beverage, and then laugh about how we wanted to kill each other. I feel as if this would be much more enjoyable than hitting someone and making not only them hurt but myself as well.

Day 133- The Clock Begins to Tick

I could hear it start yesterday morning as soon as I opened my eyes. One week! Between now and next Monday I need to figure out a lot. In less than 6 months I am an independent, not that I haven't been before, but I will be more independent than I have ever had to be in my whole entire life. I am ready for this, but the build up to it is what makes me nervous. I feel like people are depending on me to make something of myself, and to tell you the truth I am depending on me to make something of myself. However, in the last year I have learned a valuable lesson...Don't worry about everything. Months ago I posted a video from a movie called "What About Bob?" Well for those of you who have seen it you understand the term "Baby Steps." "Baby steps to get on to the bus." I always think about this now...."baby steps." Baby steps to go to college, baby steps to graduate, baby steps to get married, etc. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Don't worry about tomorrow or yesterday, concentrate on today. Really if you think about it what you do today will change how your tomorrow would have turned out. So what are you doing today?

Day 129- Don't Buy The Circus

Supposedly, it is a book. A book I can't find anywhere, and haven't encountered anybody else who has heard of it. However, I can tell you it is a about a man. What this man does is he buys something that he soon figures out he shouldn't have bought. I am sure if I went into any more detail I would A) be murdering the book and B) be ruining the suspense for those of you who ever find this mystery book. Either way I thought of this particular book this morning whilst eating my breakfast. That poor man, the one in the book, thought what he was purchasing was a grand idea and he could always enjoy it for himself. In the long run, however, he figures out that it is a lot of work to make everything work out the way you want it. Here is the thing though, everybody should know that if they want something they are going to have to work hard to get it. In our society today there are people just being handed things, and never being asked to work for what they receive. I know that this isn't true for everybody, but I can think of several examples right off the top of my head. I also know that this current problem is a side effect of "instant-gratification," the new trend that is sweeping the globe (Insert Sarcasm here.) I know I shouldn't be sarcastic because it is deadly serious, but what happened to patience? It's a virtue, or has everybody forgot that too? I am sure patience is just as much of a mystery as my book, maybe we will find them in the same place together holding on to each other in companionship just waiting for the light of day to reveal their hiding place. Until then I guess I will have to wait with my digital means of instant gratification.

Day 128- What To Do...

Boredom....I succumb to it quite quickly.

Even as I tried to type this, I got bored and started to clean my keyboard. Which actually doesn't work out to well when you have something that allows you to type open.

I think I just showed just how brilliant I can be.

Work done for today.

Great Job!

Day 127- Stuck

In this god forsaken town! With no car keys and the infamous "spare" no where to be found I have no means of getting out of here. I guess if I wanted to wander in to the next town it wouldn't be so bad, but the next town is not really an ideal escape. So, I will enjoy what little there is to enjoy by being secluded in a somewhat awkward town. A town divided by the old and the new. Some of the buildings here seem like they have been lost in time, and can't quite make up what decade they belong in. Interesting enough, I have been told the same thing. "That I am an old soul," who got mixed up in time somewhere along the way. Who knows if this is true......Probably just something someone said along the way to make up for my eccentricities. Their attempts at justifying my craziness obviously did no good. I know just how crazy I am, and I know that it has nothing to do with the decade I was born in, but a lot to do with being stuck in this god forsaken town!

Day 126- Perceptions

Your perceptions of the people and things around you will always be slightly skewed. There are several different reasons for this and none that I can actually explain. However, I can sum it up to the different experiences, up-bringing and outlooks one has as they go through life. Having different perceptions is not necessarily a bad thing, could you imagine a world where everyone had the same perception. What would books look like? Identical perceptions would create such a boring life experience, and life is just too much of an experience to waste thinking like everybody else. The only things that should be scary is having the wrong perception about somebody, and knowing that your perception of yourself will never be what everybody else sees. The first "scary" thing has a remedy, and that is to question and constantly question. There is no end to the things you can learn and the different perceptions you can gain. As for the perception of self, well that's a beast we have to burden. "Everyone is their own worst critic," as the saying goes. As for others, maybe their parents were robots or aliens, or potentially got dropped on their head as young children (Uncalled for, I know....sorry.) Either way, the self perception is always going to be a little harsh, but take it in stride. Notice compliments in the subtle ways they come, like the slight smile from across the room, and always be accepting of others perceptions of you because they will always hold some insight.