Day Forty Four- Keeping Still

For pictures this requires a tripod, but in life it is impossible. Even when you think you are still your moving. When a photographer forgets their tripod they must hand hold, and they find that even if your body is still your camera was not. With every breath you take you leave your stillness behind. To really hold still you need support. Without support you will shake and falter, and nothing will come out focused. In life, when you do not become still you become out of focus. Everyone needs stability, and everyone needs support. In the end, everyone needs a tripod!

Day Thirty Six- Lacking a Little

Sometimes you take on more than you realize, and I think you all have figured out that I am in that position. I am trying my hardest to keep up, but honestly let's face it, you would get tired of me quite quickly if I wrote everyday. Trust me, my life is not all that interesting.

However, occasionally I think I can share things that might help people in a way, any way, it could be a very random way, I don't particularly care as long as it is doing something.

I know that there are people on this Earth who feel like they were put here for a reason, and with each day that passes they wait for that one moment for which they were made for.

Personally, I think that you are made for every moment. With every step you take you leave some form of footprint. Whether it be visible or not, it has an impact.

Day (still haven't counted)-They all look just the same

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_2lGkEU4Xs&noredirect=1

Home is what you make it, or at least that is what I have been told. However, some places that people call home are quite questionable. I was born in the suburbs and grew up in the suburbs, but as I get older I am finding that I extremely dislike the suburbs. It is like the limbo between the country and the city, and I am not very much liking living in limbo. Another thing I have grown to dislike is the word limbo.

It is a very confusing word.

When you are a little kid you are taught that Limbo is a game in which you shimmy(face up) under a pole, and if you fall or hit the pole you lose the game. As you get older you learn that there is another kind of Limbo. This kind of Limbo is basically a waiting room between heaven and hell. TOTALLY DIFFERENT!

Day I haven't counted in awhile- I'm BACK!

Life can throw you curve balls, and let me tell you if you are already off your balance it will knock you on your back and take your breath away. The last two weeks has been a dramatic change. I was given a week to pack a three bedroom house and put it into storage. I had to take a week off of school, and when it is one of your last semesters, that is the last thing you want to do. Playing the game of catch up is not nearly as easy in college as it was in home school.

I can remember times in home school when I waited to do a months worth of homework until the night before it was due. I always finished on time back then, but this time it took me another week to catch up.

So two weeks later after all of this nonsense, I am back on my feet. A little wiser and a little less naive, but all for the better. I got that deep breath I needed, and got to scream at a man, who I didn't know, who definitely deserved it. All these things have helped me get a little piece of my sanity back.

It's weird it's like without sanity you feel insane. Hmmm...I wonder why that is.

Day Eighteen- How do you function

when you have been running around for one month straight, and your about to lose it? I could really use that breath I have been talking about. However, it feels like I am miles under water with little to no sight of light. I no longer know what is up and what is down, but who really does?

Day Seventeen- Does there come a time...

when you get a chance to breath. Not the tiny breaths we manage to fit into out day, but the unheard of breath where you actually inhale a decent amount of air, fill up your lungs, and let it slowly roll out. That would be nice. In fact, I shall try it. I helped, but didn't work. All I think about as I take this deep breath is that I am wasting time. Sometimes I feel this way about this blog, and maybe I am wasting time. Ultimately I feel like I am clearing my brain for the day, and letting go of the things I would usually hold on to till the next day. Today seems different. Today my brain doesn't want to divulge its information.I could only imagine it has something to do with how exhausted and absolutely stressed out I am. It is only the third week of school and I am already falling apart. Hopefully this weekend will be the glue I need to hold me together for another couple months. Here is to hoping!

Day Sixteen- Technological Difficulties

They happen. They cause enormous amounts of frustration. They make you feel stupid sometimes (depends on the situation.) Sometimes, they make you want to throw things viciously at walls or at the floor. It wasn't until moments ago till I got to the last level of frustration, but thankfully I fought the urge to throw my very aggravating cell phone at the ground with a kind of fury that I am sure, for those of you long time cell phone users, have experienced at some point or another. I gave up trying to fight my cell phone, and figured I would get to work on all computer necessary assignments before my laptop decided to get together with my cell phone and all the other technological devices I have encountered today and start a "Brittney Boycott."

I am sure that my professors would be empathetic. In fact, I could see them now rolling their eyes in frustration. Except, I have a feeling one professor, whose name shall not be mentioned, might get a kick out of it, and we could embellish in this created boycott of mine. My wandering mind has escaped me once again, and I need to refocus my brain on the literal piles of homework I already have.

Day Fifteen- Everybody needs an anchor

This is a factual statement (to me.) There are times in life where you start to drift into an alternate universe and you find something or someone who brings you back to reality. I have several people in my life that serve this purpose, and to me it was never obvious who those people were until recently. The most obvious being my fiance/best friend. There are times when I am so far gone that I don't realize him subtly bringing me back. There were others that were not so obvious. One in particular, whom I just discovered recently, that has had a surprisingly amazing effect on my life. His name shall not be mentioned because of the ego I am afraid he will acquire and this would ruined his undiminished awsomeness. Time and time again he has brought me back to the real world and I am always trying to find a new way to repay him. I am very thankful that I did not let my fears overcome my dreams and keep me from going to Sac State. If I had not ended up in room 282 I would have missed out on one of the wisest people I know.

It is the anchors in life that help us make it through the day. They help remind us what stands in the balance of our decisions. You can choose to worry about the things that ultimately don't add up to anything, or you can acknowledge what happened, appreciate it for what it was, and move on. I have found this process very difficult and even today I found myself getting really frustrated at little things. I wasted one of the last few days before my Dad leaves for 7 months worrying about pointless things that I had no control over. Thankfully I had an anchor there to bring me back.Like I said there are moments in life when you start to drift out to an alternate universe and you find something or someone that brings you back to reality. Always be thankful to your anchors without them you would float out into the never ending nothingness.

Day Fourteen- Not a camera in sight

Hard to believe with how many I own. Most are film cameras that cost $5 dollars here or $10 dollars there. I went through a phase where if I had money I would buy any camera I could afford. Their history is what intrigued me. I have always been curious about the pictures they have taken and the people who once looked through their lens.

I have the same intrigue with old books. I love finding old inscriptions inside the book. When I was little my Mom started inscribing every book she bought me, and over the years I have lost several. In the future, I hope someone finds them and enjoys the words of wisdom that my mother once bestowed on me. Hopefully, by then, they will still be words of wisdom.

Day Thirteen- Indecisive

This is a word that often applies to me. This week this word definitely described me. I couldn't make my mind up about anything. However, with the one year countdown till my wedding soon approaching I needed to make my mind up on one thing: MY DRESS! With the next 9 months dedicated towards school I needed to get it out of the way. I have gone to try on dresses before, but never actually had the excitement that most brides-to-be have. I chalked it up to the fact that I have never been excited about girly things. I have always been a tomboy and have never really enjoyed getting dressed up, but today I picked my wedding dress and honestly I cannot wait to get all dressed up. As soon as I turned around and saw myself in the mirror I was amazed. I have never in my life felt as beautiful as I do in that dress. I can't wait to see the look on my fiance's face on the day of our wedding.

Day Twelve- I am not a fan of today

My alarm went off at 7AM just like I set it, but just as soon as it started going off it was stopped. However, not by me waking up as I was suppose to, but by me pressing the ever so friendly snooze button. What a terrible invention! I think the person who invented it had it in for punctual people. Maybe that person was late all the time, and one day thought to themselves "If I can't be on time, than no one shall!" That person figured out our weakness.....sleeping in. It Maybe only a couple extra minutes, but I think they might have suspected our over indulgence.

As I am writing this I am realizing how ridiculous this all sounds, and thinking that my imagination has wondered off yet again. I do believe that my imagination is my self defense mechanism. I have always relied on it to take me somewhere else when I am in a bad place. Today as I got frustrated fixing light leaks on a homemade pinhole camera I imagined myself being done. No, actually I thought back to a moment two weeks ago today. I was sitting in a Leatherby's with all of my brothers and sisters, and I could hear all of their voices. After thinking of this moment, I imagined that he voices around me were those of my family and it made me happy.

I never imagined this blog becoming so sappy. I promise everyday will change, but I write with my heart and my family is a HUGE part of my heart.

Day Eleven- Goodbye for now

These are the words I just said to my sister right before I left my Mom's house. Tomorrow morning she will board her plane to Indiana where she will be for two weeks before she returns home to England. Two years without seeing her was too long, and the two weeks she spent here were too short. This day in itself has been an emotional roller coaster. I have no picture for today, but I do have one sad heart. Hope this is enough writing to prove that I am still hanging in there. 9 months till my siblings will be together again, and it will be for my graduation!

Day Ten- Escape!

Not so much a theme for the day, but the one word my brain thought about all day. ESCAPE! I started my day thinking there wasn't one. This was before I ran into the lone fireman running up the parking garage stairs as I was running down. He was taking long, deep breaths as he skipped every other step, and I didn't notice until I got right alongside of him that he had in headphones. I thought this was a little peculiar. I had my camera in my hand so I took a quick from the hip shot and continued making my way down the stairs. As I looked around me I noticed the very few people in sight yawn in unison, and I wished I had been able to get a picture.

I got to school to early, so I killed time chit chatting with a good friend. My mind wandered as we talked and I apologized for not being able to fully concentrate. My mind has since become much worse. A three hour long history class is not a good way for a weary mind to finish it's day. So now that I home and I have written as cohesively as possible with very little energy left....I bid you farewell and good evening.

Day Nine- Peace and Quiet

This phrase always reminds me of a funny movie "What About Bob?" I could never do this particular scene justice, so to view it just follow the link to YouTube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5ZSyAuNMCM

If you have never seen the whole movie I would highly suggest watching it. I used to watch this movie with my family. When all of us kids still lived under one roof. At one point there were 9 of us in one house,2 boys, 4 girls, Mom, Dad and Uncle. We lived in a 4 bedroom, 2 bath. It felt so crowded then, but now when I am in an empty room I feel really lonely.When I was a little kid I would get terribly frustrated when I could not find a quiet place in our house. Now I get frustrated when it is too quiet around me. When I was little I never thought I fit in with my family, and recently I have figured out that I fit just fine. I wish there was a pause button, so I could keep all of them home for a little bit longer. I know all too soon it will be time to say our goodbyes, and I will miss the sound of their voices and seeing their faces. That is life. You say goodbye until you say hello again. You would think after almost 10 years of doing this that it would come easy, but it does not. Savor what you have, for you do not know how long you will have it.

Day Eight- ZZZZZZZ

So Day Six consisted of a Bridal Shower, and running around. Day Seven brought the beautiful marriage of my brother and his gorgeous wife. Now after two weeks of chaos I have a day of nothing which lead to sleeping....much needed sleeping. So that is what I am going to continue to do....sleep.

Day Five- Putting my life on the shelf...for the weekend.

The weekend has arrived, and with it a joyous occasion. My older brother is marrying the love of his life, so I am putting away my computer and trying to help in any way possible. Any and all writing will be kept short and simple. Today's lesson learned: Cake pops are not as simple as they look. Tricky little things.

Day Four- "I just wanted to give it a good jolt"

I feel like that doesn't need an explanation. It doesn't need to become a theme for my day. It can just be, and I can keep it as a snapshot in my brain. A moment where I didn't have someone waiting on me or watching over me, and I could just breathe. Well at least take breaths between eating my chocolate croissant and chit chatting away. My stomach reminded me today that I am in no way a morning person. Halfway through class it started intensely growling and I felt as if I had not eaten in days. Right after class I grabbed two croissants from the roundhouse, one for myself and one for a good friend, and headed off to sit and just relax for a little while. It was then that this "good jolt" conversation took place, and so far it was the best part of this day.Today at my internship I found myself making stupid mistakes, and after each one sitting for a minute to try to get back to that moment in the morning over chocolate croissants. It always amazes me how the simplest of moments become quite memorable. Never underestimate anything...especially light. Weird things happen with light.

Day Three- Different Ways to Hold Things Together

1) Tape 2) Some more tape 3) Staples! If all else fails.....glue that shit.

However, in life these quick fixes do not work. In life you question the different means in which you try to hold what there is in your life in place. Faith becomes an everyday tool of choice. In some cases, people walk blindly into the dark lead by their everlasting faith. Faith, right now, for me is knowing that their will be something different on the other side of this 9 months. I love school! I have loved going to school! I can still remember when my older brother and sisters were in elementary school, and I was still not old enough to go, I would beg my parents to let me go with them. One day, when all of my older siblings were sitting down doing their homework I went and grabbed a stack of paper and a pen, walked over to my parents and asked them to make me homework. I wanted so badly to be in school. However, after 17 years of schooling I am ready for a change. I know the road ahead will be tough, but I welcome the challenges it will bring in my life.

Day Two- Pictures

Day Two- All is not what it seems

I never realized how fast 5:45 in the morning sneaks up on you, until this morning. I quite literally wanted to smash my alarm clock into the wall as it beeped and echoed throughout the bedroom. My eyes reluctantly rolled open, and I rolled over to curl up with Andrew for a minute in the cocoon of our warm blanket. As I got out of bed I thought of how miserable it will be in a month or two to be getting up this early and having my feet freeze as they hit the laminate flooring. As my brain finished this thought I turned the corner into my bathroom where I was greeted by my kitten, Pixel, who was curled up in a ball in the sink. I immediately wished I had my camera in my room. I desperately wanted to go grab it from the front room, but I knew once she heard the door open she would leap up and go running. I decided to proceed with my day, and in the future remember to bring my camera into my room with me at night. Before I knew it Andrew and I were both ready to go and headed out the door. We said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. The freeway was packed as usual, but it was a relief to get to school and not have to struggle in traffic to find a place to park. I got to class on time, today a Mass Media Communication journalism class, and listened to the teacher's first day speech. I made my way to the photo lab and noticed that the majority of students were just arriving. It was a different feeling to be finishing my day as everyone else was just arriving, but I actually liked it. Could I be turning into one of the morning people that frighten me?

Day One- Back to School

Why? I know that is probably what your asking yourself right now. Why would anyone want to start a blog about their senior year in college, and who in the world would read it? Well, right now, your reading it, so I am off to a good start. In all honesty, I asked myself the same questions when I got the idea to do this, and so far the only answer I have come up with is that it just sounded like something fun to do, and I wanted to see if I could do it. So....here I am. Today was the first day of my senior year at California State University-Sacramento, better known as Sac State. The day for me started out like any other. At 8:00AM my eyes rolled open, and as much as I tried to fight it I knew it was time to get up. I stayed in bed for a minute to try to mentally prepare myself for the semester ahead of me. I got up and got ready for school, ate my bowl of cold cereal ( Honey Bunches of Oats...no big deal), and I headed out to pick up my parking pass. The freeway was fun as usual and after picking my parking pass up I made the half mile drive to school. It was during this drive that my nervousness set in. My two extremely good friends graduated last semester, and I have not been looking forward to returning to school without them. I reassured myself that I would do fine, if not better because I would have less distractions(no offense.) However, as I walked on campus about a half hour later (because finding parking is ridiculous) I realized just how much having them on campus meant to me. For the first time on this huge campus with literally hundreds of people walking around I felt lonely. As I kept walking I gripped my camera tighter, and realized that I was definitely going to do this blog, and for the next nine months my camera would be with me every step of the way....it would get me through this year, and through college in one piece. I finally arrived at my first class Journalism 130A- which is to be taken with 130B is a news reporting and writing class. The title basically sums up what the whole class is about. After going through the syllabus the teacher told us the two things she wanted us to learn. She wanted to us to "Learn how to think, and Learn how to listen." I immediately wrote this down. I have never thought about listening and thinking being taught to us,and I have never heard someone tell me that I need to "learn how to think," or "learn how to listen." To me these things seem like they should come naturally, but then after watching a video where a man named Julian Treasure explained how people are losing their listening I thought about how much I myself actually listen. For example, if somebody is asking me something before they even finish asking me the question I am already thinking about my response. How do I know how I am going to respond if I don't know the entire question? After listening to someone talk about listening for two hours I went to go see Dan ( the photo man.) If you don't know Dan , you definitely should, he would make your life better with his conversations. I had an amazing conversation with him about listening, and how if people would take the time to listen they would be taking the time to live in the moment. All in all it was a good first day, and I hope that the rest of the semester follows this theme.

So here are the guidelines.....one picture at least every other day, and some form of writing to show I am still alive and not a college dropout everyday. If you like me, you like me, and if you don't, you don't, but hopefully I will be here everyday until I graduate in May 2012. Here is to the next 9 months!