Take Two

We returned to Marysville on a Sunday. It was three weeks after the wedding, and a little over two  before Thanksgiving. It was somewhere around ten in the morning when we reached town. We noticed a parade of some sort taking place just on the other side of the highway, and we decided to avoid it. We turned off the highway onto 2nd Street.We weren't much for socializing, and preferred the quiet streets so we could stroll, take pictures, and talk. However, all small talk was gone by the time of our arrival. During the car ride we had talked about what was new and how the wedding was, he asked how it felt to be married. I told him the only thing that felt really different was my name.We discussed how I felt about the matter and moved on to what he had been up to. He described to me in great detail a weekend that  had recently occurred. The weekend we discussed had shook him up fiercely, but at the end of the following week he had reached a new way of thinking and being. For a second, I was envious. We pulled off of 2nd Street onto F Street and parked next to some industrial buildings. This is where our day really begun. For the next three hours we were so into what we were doing and the conversation we were having that nothing else seemed to matter. The world fell to the wayside. When we made our way back to the car he turned to me and said, "For the past few hours, I have been out of my mind." I smiled and sighed. I knew just what he meant.

The Long Awaited Return

It has been so long that I don't know where I should begin. It has been just about seven months since I  have graduated Sacramento State University and I still have no idea what I am doing ( in the big picture.) In the here and now, I feel as if I am making more conscious decisions, ones that in my heart I think are going to lead me to the big picture, but really who knows? The fact that no one knows, however, leaves everything open and keeps life limitless and unpredictable. Which is exactly what life is. Limitless and Unpredictable. Everyone should have aspirations, but why stop at those, reach for more. Grab all you can until there is nothing left to grab at. Everyday should be a challenge, a journey, an experience, and worth something, at the end of it. We trick ourselves into believing that time goes on forever, but what if it doesn't? What if today is it? What did you do? Was it worth it? Or would you like another chance?

Most people would probably like another chance. I am one of them, but this day isn't over yet, so I am here grasping at one challenge. To write this post...because for awhile now I have not known where to begin.

I'm back.

Day 259- Two days late but a tiny bit richer....

 Photo: Lincoln,CA. Digital. Canon 60D. 2012.

I had a big plan for how to write out my last blog as a college graduate, but it didn't really go the way I expected. However, it was a reminder to myself that not all plans go as they should in fact the universe seems to know when you are planning something and throws a curve ball at you just to keep you on your toes. Saturday morning I woke up in an odd state. I didn't know what to make of the day, and as soon as I opened my bedroom door the world became chaotic, I could hear people running around everywhere trying to get things ready for the day and for our party on Sunday.  I was rushed all over the place up until the very last moment and as I made my way up Highway 99 I had a moment where nothing was holding me back and nothing stood in my way of what I wanted. That energy surged through my body as I ran to where I was suppose to meet everybody. I threw on my gown as I ran and got excited watching it blow it the wind, this is it I thought, the moment I have worked for. I grew giddy walking up to meet my friends and when I finally stood in line to walk the butterfly's started flying around bumping into each other inside my stomach. The ceremony was done and over with before I could even interpret the situation and navigate through the emotions. The whole pavilion an echo of screams, laughter, and sounds of excitement. It will be something that I will remember forever, standing with the people I have grown with for the past 3 years, and watching their faces as they go into this unforgettable time. That is when it hit me..........this isn't over yet. In fact, it has only just begun. I still have many more trials and tribulations ahead of me and I have no intention of keeping them to myself. SO if you are interested...stay with me through my journeys and I promise I will try to keep it as exciting as possible. Until the next time................THE FINALLY OFFICIAL CSUS GRAD!!!!!

Day 255- That's all folks...

Photo: Sacramento, CA. Digital. Canon XTi. 2011.

Yesterday was a bad day, and when I left work I assumed it was only going to get worse. However, last night much to my surprise my family one by one returned home...including my "English" sister who I thought wouldn't make it. It's funny because right around this time of year is when I receive a plant from my mother in-law. She takes clippings from one of her big plants and makes little babies out of it who end  up blossoming and growing into their own. I never made the connection between what she does with her plants and what my Mom did with her children until last night. My mom clipped all 6 of us kids from one plant, we all look different and we all grew up to different potentials but at the end of the day we all came from the same place. I am so grateful that my  fellow clippings could be here for me on such a special occasion, but mostly I am grateful to the one constant who brought us all here...our mother. By the way two more days till I graduate.

Day 245- Dissected.

PHOTO: Lincoln,CA. Digital Canon XTi. 2012.

I wish I could go back in time and tell 14 year-old me that there is no short cut to a dream. The wild-eyed spontaneous girl before she decided to take on the world. I wish I could have told her to stop and enjoy the moment because all too soon when you look up from your work you'll realize it's all over. Everything you ever dreamed of being true will stand right in front of your feet, and I am telling you...your gonna run like crazy. I can feel the ground start to break away underneath me, Everything I once knew to be stable and consistent will be dead come Thursday. Three more days till everything I once knew dissipates into everything I am going to find out. Hello World....please be nice.

Day 236- It's been 12 days

PHOTO: Folsom,CA. Canon 60D. 2012.

Almost 2 weeks of going non-stop. When the end comes boy does it come quick. In another 12 days I will have completed all my coursework for two Bachelor's Degrees at Sac State. I would like to be able to say that is an accomplishment, but at this moment all I can say is that I am done. I have already checked out of my own brain and am ready for my life to take a step forward. However, I would be a liar if I didn't say that deep down inside , I am really scared. My whole life I have had a plan that had detailed instructions on how to succeed, but now that reality is knocking on my door I realize that the plan I had so delicately designed did not incorporate an economy that doesn't support my professions. I feel like I am walking up a staircase where only the unknown awaits at the top, everyday you take a step you feel a little bit more uncomfortable but that much more intrigued in what awaits in the darkness.

Day 224- My lying eyes

PHOTO: Lincoln, CA. Canon 60D. 2012.

When I try to deceive my eyes will not let me. Instead they scream of my deceit and try to rat out my soul. My eyes are my favorite thing about me. They are a constant and consistent reminder of what reality is. When my brain tries to not believe my eyes will show them the truth, and lead it back to its right train of thought because reality isn't created. It just is. Your brain will try to trick you into a self-conscious state of mind, but really reality isn't individual it is a shared experience. Everyone is involved. The picture is bigger than you and it is bigger than me and in the end it will not matter how you served yourself it will have mattered how you served others.